"It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown, and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do
In a world full of bitter pain
and bitter doubts
I was trying to hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
I don't belong."
I've had more homesick days this past week than I've had in the past month. Don't really know why, honestly. I think in the beginning I was homesick because I was scared and out of my comforst zone. At this point, I think I'm homesick because, well, it's just been awhile. I think the longest I've spent away from home was at Liberty. Even that was just 4 weeks, and I was there with Ruby. I've reached this point here, where I'm fine, I'm comfortable, I'm adjusted... I just miss that feeling you get when you're home.
There's a song by Switchfoot that I've really been connected to this week called "The Beautiful Letdown." It's actually the title of their album. (ps- every year I re-discover one, Larson's 'Rent', and two, Swtichfoot's 'The Beautiful Letdown'. Probably two of the most solid albums I own. 'Solid' meaning, I will literally listen to them both all the way through, not skipping any songs. That also goes for JRB's 'The Last Five Years', but anyway- I digress.)
The Beautiful Letdown speaks of the disappointment, turned excitement, and maybe even relief, when you realize that as a child of Christ, you just don't belong on the planet. Not anywhere.
Being away from home, I've tried to make my home here, even if it's knowingly temporary. But that will never happen, and that's what I'm beginning to see. As much as I miss "home," I have to realize that even the house on Taney Court isn't home.
My home is in Christ. That's the beautiful part of the letdown, ay. No matter what, He is here, and He loves me. Bam. Funny how I've been a Christian for years, and it's never really hit me. I am learning things over here that I'm pretty sure I couldn't be learning back in the US. Which is exactly why I came :)
Wow! Great Blog Abby...Being able to incorporate that feeling of home at Taney and your eternal home with Christ is such a great "mental visual". I love how much of a comfort Christ has really been to you over there. I am sometimes thankful for the times that i am "alone" because they re-teach me how to fully rely on Him.
ReplyDelete( Also, 100% in agreement of the JRB, Larson, and Switchfoot albums...RENT has been on repeat all week in the van;))
I've never been so relient on Christ as I am here. I know it's because I am alone, and I really hope that when I come back and am with my family and friends, I don't loose that relience on Jesus.
ReplyDeleteI wish I were on repeat in your van all week!!! haha I CANNOT wait to just ride and sing in your van- you have no idea haha
Yeah, RENT is the junk. So is Switchfoot. I think "The Beautiful Letdown" as a cd would be a great bible study, actually. Like a song a week type thing. So many of their lyrics are just so eye opening and just hit you like a brick wall. But a good brick wall...you know what I mean.
great blog - note that Dylan has an album titled "Bringing It All Back Home", which includes one of your favs, "She Belongs to Me".
ReplyDeletelooking forward to the end of the month....love, Daddo