She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I am sitting cozy by the window in Paul's hospital room. The sky looks angry and the rain has been pounding the tin roof off and on all day. Rain on a tin roof- the stuff of life, man. Can't beat that relaxing sound. Today I feel like curling up under a big blanket with a good movie, or talking for hours over some hot coffee. It just so happens there is nothing on my schedule today but that very thing.

I've had a growth spurt this past six days, I think.

When I was a kid my family would take road trips every Summer. The weary hours before pulling into a hotel for the night were spent squirming in the back seat with Adrienne, trying to get comfortable, fighting for space and sleep. Her elbow was always jamming into my rib, my foot was always too close to her face; we'd end up all tangled and agitated until finally mom would step in. Mom had a way of arranging our little seven year old bodies just so- I never understood how she'd do it. But sure enough, we'd finally lay comfortably across the back seat of the van and fall asleep.

I've been trying to memorize Proverbs 31 recently. It's one of my favorite biblical passages. I just find it so inspiring- it is a new life goal of mine, to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I've been focused on the Proverb this week in particular. I feel like I'm covering new ground; I feel a bit stretched and challenged and a little forced to be an adult. It is a scary, invigorating and effective way to learn.

Things at the hospital have gone relatively smoothly this week. Paul's recovering with remarkable speed, and they say he can go home tomorrow! The only real difficult time we had was last night. The same exact thing happened last October when Paul had lung surgery. He has a reaction to the morphine after some time, which is what happened last night. He got anxious, said he felt unlike himself, that he was having nightmares even though he was sitting awake, that the room's walls were closing in on him. It was unsettling for me- I didn't know what to do except to assure him that the walls were staying in place, and that didn't seem to help much. I kept calling the nurses who were preoccupied with other patients. It was getting late and visiting hours were almost over. I couldn't leave him in that state, and it didn't look like I could spend the night. I felt so overwhelmed and helpless. I was tired. I was sick of being at the hospital. I was aware that I was only twenty two and felt all together in over my head. All I wanted was my mom, really. I needed a hug, I needed someone to come and fix everything.

A Proverbs 31 woman is clothed in strength. I took a deep breath and channeled everything in me that was... proverbian? Paul tossed and turned in bed unable to lay still. "Can you come arrange my pillows the way you do?" he asked. I hurried to his bedside, happy to be given a task, to feel in control of something, to be contributing. To my amazement, he laid his head down on his newly arranged pillows, grinned a contented grin and fell asleep.

What a relief. I sat back in my chair and felt so so great. I don't think I've felt truly needed in my life until this week. What a nice feeling :) It is so clear to me that coming here was a good decision. It's been wonderful being able to help and to show my love.

I called my mom this afternoon and told her yesterday's saga and how much I missed her. She is at the beach where we always take Hanson family vacations, and missing her mother too. It is all apart of growing up, I suppose, for my mom and for me. It is a good thing, I think, to need someone. It's also a good thing to be needed. Everyone is all about independence, and doing it on their own. There's a place for that too, but sometimes you just need to call your mom. Or have your pillows arranged :)